Inside and Outside

I am not sure if I can call myself an old person…:-). But I don’t think the adjective ‘young’ is something that can honestly be applied to describe me. Why is it that what we feel inside often do not correspond to the way we look? Why can’t the two of them (the inside and outside of ourselves) be synchronized? The increasing number of our wrinkles or our grey hair do not necessarily makes us feel as old accordingly. Disturbing? Yeah, I think so. But how exactly you tune in your feelings for old age? Is there some kind of a tuning device that you can adjust inside you, the way we adjust the air conditioning or the heater according to the weather? When…let’s say…you reach 65 years old age…can you adjust something inside you and tell yourself…”Feel…65!” How you tell yourself to feel according to your age? How can we measure the way we feel according to the progression of the length that we live in this world?

It’s true that how life treats us will often contribute to our exterior. Our sadness, stress, loss, disappointment, anger, all play important roles into our well being.  I believe that as people get older, the sense of responsibility and maturity will follow. No matter what you do, they show in your eyes. And of course, there’s gravity…;-).

I’m just thinking, will it makes easier for you if the inside and outside of yourself get more compatible? More synchronized? Will it makes you experience less disappointment? Will it makes you be able to look in the mirror and feel less cheated? Do you look in the mirror and feel surprised that you think…Hmm, that’s not how I see myself, that face does not represent me. Do we have a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde inside us?

dianearbus teenage couple

Photograph by Diane Arbus

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